One wrong move is all it takes

Assalamualaikum

We were happy like we normally do 2 days ago. Disturbing each other, sulking and all the things we do. Then all of a sudden u'r all sour towards me ever since school ended that day. Just b'cos of one stupid mistake that I did and u'r treating me like this. But what do u expect me to do? Coincidentally he ws-ed u and I was using ur phone gg thru twitter and accidentally pressed on ur chat. Sweaty palms problems. I know its wrong to look at other's privacy. I was thinking of closing the ws and continue with twitter till I saw the part where u told him ur work was canceled. That caught my attention b'cos earlier u told me u'r working at 5.30pm after school. Then I thought we could hang out after u and I ended work. And I was suppose to work from 5pm-11pm. But I purposely told my ops to change my sched from 5-11 to 5-9 instead b'cos I really wanna hang out with u just like last week.

But as I read through idky I continued to, u'r gg out with him. I had a sudden breakdown thats why I stopped using ur phone, put it on yim's table and just rest my head on my table.  In my mind, I told myself, what if I asked her again whether she's working or not and she told me she's working? Wouldn't that be lie-ing? What a waste that I asked to change my sched.

Then she came to my table and sat next to me. I assume she noticed that I was not in the mood or something. Then she kept asking me whats wrong. I just said nothing was wrong. She knows that I'm lie-ing. So she kept asking and tickling me hoping to cheer me up I guess? After doing that for a couple of times, she gave up and looked at the other side of the table. Then I asked her if she's working at 5.30 or not. I'm expecting her to say no. But she said yes instead. I just said "hhmph" and looked the other side towards the screen. This is the part that I wished I didn't do. I tweeted using my private acc about her lie-ing to me and I said just go out with him instead idc. At this point, I'v had a bad feeling about this. I know something bad was about to happen.

Then suddenly she left my table and went back to her table. I assume she knew what I did and I straight away checked her twitter. Yup, she tweeted indirectly to me saying that she has the rights to go out with whoever she want and why did I invaded her privacy and all. I stoned for a while. Didn't know what to do. So I just sat there till sch ended. When we were released, she was nowhere to be seen. I asked Shah where she went and told me that she went to work. Wtf she lied to u too? So I ran to the escalator nearby and I saw her walking fast towards the gate. I was alr fucked at that point. I bid goodbye to the rest and tried to catch up to her. When I got to the gate, she's gone just like that.

I telegram her asking where did she go and her keys are still with me. Wasn't expecting her to reply straight but she did, in a very sour way. That' s it. The past if repeating itself. I apologies to her saying how sorry I was. I really am. I really regret for what I did. Seriously, feeling like this again just sucks. Of all the people around me, u'r the person I really wish not to argue with really. But if this is what u want, u don't wish to see me, then fine. I respect ur decision. Cos I don't wanna hurt ur feelings again. I'm such a useless guy. If not talking to me or even look at me will make u feel better then perhaps I think I should just leave. I dont wanna add anymore to ur loads. Thats enough damage I'v done.

Naz if u'r reading this. I just wanna tell u that I'm truly, sincerely sorry for what I'v done. I really regret for doing that. I really don't wanna end up with us not talking again. It really sucks. I know I'v fucked up and made u hurt and upset. U have every right to be angry at me. Seems like u wanna cut ties with me. I deserve it. Sorry I'v been such of a burden to u. But I really hope u can forgive me. I don't know what else should I do to make it up to u. This is the best I could do. If u'r still unsatisfied about it, then its ur call whether u still want me around or not. I'm not perfect. I'm just a human that makes mistakes. Once again, I'm sincerely sorry for everything Naz. I miss u alr. And I dont know why I feel so afraid to face u.

Lost. Again

Assalamualaikum. 

Why is HE punishing me like this. What have I done to deserve this. Some part of me felt like I deserve it. I didn't listen to myself. I ignored my warnings. Now I'm traped at my own trap. 

Told myself not to get too attached to her. I warned myself. That things like this would happen. But I still refused and thought I could change it. Now I regret. But theres no point for me to regret anything since I'm the one who wants it to be this way. I knew this would happen yet Im not prepared to face and overcome it. I just need time to heal this wound in my heart. 

I thought she's the one. She made me feel loved just like the past. Everyday I have something to look forward to. I looked forward to her replies everyday. No matter how short or long her reply is, I'm still very grateful. She's the one I'm looking forward to school everyday. And I just wished sch didn't end that quickly. 

This past week have been amazing. Almost everyday I'll meet her without fail. No matter how late I ended work, how tired I was. I'm still looking forward to seeing her despite how late it was. Just a short meet is enough for me. Cos she's the one who brightens up my day when everything was wrong. She gave me the energy to get rid of my tireness. Her voice just made me flattened. Her eyes are beautiful despite whether she bathed or not. She's the one who encouraged me to stop smoking. And I did tried to cut down till a point that I manage not to buy a pack. I accepted her with everything she has. 

But why did she still chose him over me? Is it because you'v been with him for the past 3 years and its not easy to let go just like that? I understand that feeling but what if history repeats itself? I swear I wont forgive him. She gave him chances after chance. Yet you still didn't appreciate her. 

Its hard for me to let go of something that really matter to me. Especially her. The days that we spend together, just the 2 of us. I wont forget those memories in the years to come. I'v already planned so many things for us in the future like where to go for outings and all. But maybe it wasn't meant to be. I could only plan. But HE's the one who decides if it could happen or not. And I guess not. 

As she disappears from my sight, tears started to roll down my cheek. I can't control my emotions. I was bleeding inside. Its really hard for me to let this go after what we'v went through. We'v been through so much in just a short period of time. From going to her place just to spend time with her, to going out together just the 2 of us. Watching a movie that she really wanted and doing our script together. Just being with her is all I need. Nothing else matters when she's around. 

Things wont be the same anymore. And trust me, once I let this go, I wont turn back again. Once done is done. Thats the kind of person I am. When I love something, I'll love it till death do us apart. 

But for now, I'll just let time heal those wounds. And I let HIM take over my future. Cos I know, he has a much better plan for me in the future. 

My dream just came true!

Hey guys Assalamualaikum! It's been months ever since I last updated this dead blog! So I'm just gonna tell you guys what has been going on lately.

2 days ago, 24th March 2016 is the day I will never forget for the rest of my life.
Finally, after watching her on the television, finally I met here right in front of my eyes! Yes that's right! I MET MIRA FILZAH!!! The lady who stole my heart ever since I saw her through one of the vine videos. She's so out of this world! I find her very special and different from the others I'v met.


There's an event called HALAL 2016 held in Singapore Expo on the 24-27 of march. She was invited to the event as the guest artist and she's only available to come on the 24 as she has to go to Terengganu for another event the next day. The moment when she steps out of the curtains, for the first time I saw her LIVE, my heart just fell for her even more. Only Allah knows how I felt at that time or should I say, for the whole time while she was on stage. She's as gorgeous as ever that would melt everybody's heart. And her voice was super cute! For the whole time I was smiling, laughing and just enjoying myself. Not even a single moment I wasn't being any of those. Her presence is like an energy drink that suddenly boosted my energy. For most of the time my eyes just sticks to her.


There were role playing scene of her latest telemovie, Cinta Si Wedding Planner. A few from the crowds were picked to play a role as Bazli, her "brother" in the show, and Fariz, a guy who she hates so much but turns out to be her husband in the end. Sadly I wasn't chosen to take part. If I do, I would go blank in front of Mira! Those who were picked needed to introduced themselves and what they are currently doing. If I was picked, I think Mira and the whole crowd would be surprised that I'm 19 this year and working as a part time delivery rider at domino's pizza.


After the whole session, Mira was so kind that she stood at the stage for everyone who wants to take a picture with her, especially her fans. This is the moment that I will never forget for my whole life. When I was next in line to take a photo with Mira, my heart was beating extremely fast. #dupdapdupdap  Mixed feelings that only Allah knows how I felt at that moment. Excited, Super Happy, Nervous and so on.

Subhanallah. She's too perfect!

Finally, after the long wait is over, My FIRST PHOTO WITH MIRA FILZAH! 

After her PA Natrah handed over my phone, I quickly changed to the front camera. I was using my Snapchat camera so that I could send to my story and also save the photo to my gallery. I also wanted a selfie photo with her holding my phone and taking a photo of us. Because I know my hand wouldn't stay still and will keep shaking cause I'm too excited.   

The first thing I thought was that we looked like a couple. Hahaha! I really wish that was true.

After the selfie, Mira passed me my phone and I asked her whether her voice is is getting better. And she looked to my eyes and told me Alhamdulillah it's getting better. Ya Allah her eyes, Masha'Allah I can't handle it. And with that I thanked her for the photos and left to the back stage and waited for my friends. I just wished I could spend more time chatting with her. 

Luckily, my friend took some photo of us while we're busy taking photos with my phone. 

 This photo looked like she's giving me her number haha!

But there's 1 thing I'm extremely disappointed with myself. I wanted to give her a simple flower when I get to take a photo with her. The flower is in my bag but I forgot to give it to her. It is meant for a gift as her birthday present cause her birthday is on the 2nd of April. And I only remembered about the flower when taufiq asked me what's the pointy thing in my bag. Only then I realised that I forgot to give her. And at that point I was thinking of waiting for her to finish up her photo taking session and then give her. Haiss. I'm still disappointed even after 3 days. Really don't know how to live up with this regret feeling. But right now if I knew earlier, I would get her a TbT watch, an Arabic time teller watch that is in arabic numbers. So I would be giving her the watch and the flower as her present. I wanna see how will she react to the present. I doubt she'll be very surprised that theres such watches. But my fate was only to meet her and get a picture taken. Maybe I'll get it right the next time.


I kept on looking at our selfie photo up till today and still getting that butterfly feeling in my stomach cause I really feel that we're a couple by looking at that photo.


Before the day came, she posted a video on IG about a week before the event telling us about the meet and greet event in Singapore and I got very excited all of the sudden. And ever since that day, after each prayers, I always doa to Allah to give me the permission to meet and get a picture together with her on that day. And that's the only thing I'm asking for at that moment and I really want it to happen. And Alhamdulillah HE granted my wish!


I really feel that I have lots more to share with you guys about this topic cause even while I'm typing out this post I feel very happy eventho its already 3.30AM and I have work at 10 AM. I hope you guys enjoyed my memorable story because this is really the memory that I will always remember for life!


And I really hope I get the chance to meet her again. I really love her and adore her so much! Only Allah knows how I really felt towards her.