Why is HE punishing me like this. What have I done to deserve this. Some part of me felt like I deserve it. I didn't listen to myself. I ignored my warnings. Now I'm traped at my own trap.
Told myself not to get too attached to her. I warned myself. That things like this would happen. But I still refused and thought I could change it. Now I regret. But theres no point for me to regret anything since I'm the one who wants it to be this way. I knew this would happen yet Im not prepared to face and overcome it. I just need time to heal this wound in my heart.
I thought she's the one. She made me feel loved just like the past. Everyday I have something to look forward to. I looked forward to her replies everyday. No matter how short or long her reply is, I'm still very grateful. She's the one I'm looking forward to school everyday. And I just wished sch didn't end that quickly.
This past week have been amazing. Almost everyday I'll meet her without fail. No matter how late I ended work, how tired I was. I'm still looking forward to seeing her despite how late it was. Just a short meet is enough for me. Cos she's the one who brightens up my day when everything was wrong. She gave me the energy to get rid of my tireness. Her voice just made me flattened. Her eyes are beautiful despite whether she bathed or not. She's the one who encouraged me to stop smoking. And I did tried to cut down till a point that I manage not to buy a pack. I accepted her with everything she has.
But why did she still chose him over me? Is it because you'v been with him for the past 3 years and its not easy to let go just like that? I understand that feeling but what if history repeats itself? I swear I wont forgive him. She gave him chances after chance. Yet you still didn't appreciate her.
Its hard for me to let go of something that really matter to me. Especially her. The days that we spend together, just the 2 of us. I wont forget those memories in the years to come. I'v already planned so many things for us in the future like where to go for outings and all. But maybe it wasn't meant to be. I could only plan. But HE's the one who decides if it could happen or not. And I guess not.
As she disappears from my sight, tears started to roll down my cheek. I can't control my emotions. I was bleeding inside. Its really hard for me to let this go after what we'v went through. We'v been through so much in just a short period of time. From going to her place just to spend time with her, to going out together just the 2 of us. Watching a movie that she really wanted and doing our script together. Just being with her is all I need. Nothing else matters when she's around.
Things wont be the same anymore. And trust me, once I let this go, I wont turn back again. Once done is done. Thats the kind of person I am. When I love something, I'll love it till death do us apart.
But for now, I'll just let time heal those wounds. And I let HIM take over my future. Cos I know, he has a much better plan for me in the future.
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