I couldn't think of anywhere else to express what I felt so maybe here will do. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm lost. One moment she's ok with me like she'll always look for me in school, texted almost everyday and all, then the next moment she's ignoring and staying away from me. I'm so confused with her rn. Every time we tried to get along again, it'll always end up the same way again and again. This time round its exactly the same as how it happened after I got discharged.
I met with an accident exactly 3 months ago. It was really unexpected. And I got a really serious nose fracture. And I know she's really worried for me, so as the others. She'll try to visit me whenever she's free. I'm always happy to see her cos to me she'll just make my day just by her presence. After I was discharged, we still texted and chat. But as the days goes by, her replies are getting shorter and longer. Like she's bored of talking to me. Then one night, we sort of "argued" about some personal stuff. And at the same time, my nose bleed wouldn't stop. It keeps bleeding every hour. And around 3am, we ended our argument and after I sent my last msg to her, my nose bleed wouldn't stop for an hour straight. So I got hospitalized but didn't tell anyone about it cos my phone was with my mum. The next day at about 3pm, she texted me. I replied her at 5pm after I was warded, conscious and got my phone back. Again she sound worried and visited me whenever she's free. I was warded till my surgery 4 days later. And again after I was discharged, we chat and texted. And as the days goes by, her replies became 1 word replies and the same shit.
Till one day, all of the sudden, she disappeared just like that. No texts or anything. Then I found out, she's back with him again. I broke down and cried. For a few days or even weeks I tried to get myself together. And I really don't wish school to reopen that quickly. For 2 and a half months we didn't talk or anything but only during group projects. I feel so awkward towards her. But I didn't stop hoping that things between us will get better. I prayed to Allah hoping that we'll get back to how we used to throughout the 2 and a half months.
After almost 3 months, she told me that she wanted us to get back to normal and talk again. 3 freaking months it took just for us to get back to normal again. Longer than our previous which took us only 1 and a half months. I thank Allah and hope that we won't go back to not talking again. Since then, we texted and chatted almost everyday. But I dont know why I got jealous these few days. Cos she's always so close to yim and asyril.
Then one day, she wanted to book a chalet opposite her house and told me she's gg with asyril. Eversince that day, she's always out with asyril. Of cos I got jealous. And I can see that he's also trying to get close to her. But who am I to get jealous of them right. I'm not even hers so I can't do anything but just hold on and keep this feeling to myself.
Till one day, my jealousy grew and I was fucking pissed with asyril. I didn't talk to anyone the whole day. The longer I stayed in school, the bigger my jealousy grew.
And recently everysince that day, we didn't text or anything. Just that we talked in school. Whenever I wanted to text her, her replies were always short and sound like she wants to end the convo. But I just feel the way we are now is different. Like I'm no longer that important to her anymore. I'm not mad, I just dont know how to explain this feeling. I know I sound selfish and all but I just dont want to lose her thats all.
She meant the world to me I can honestly say that. Everything about her is just so amazing that I dont wish to lose her. Her presence just made my day better. Her smell is so irresistible. Her eyes are just so amazing to look at. Her voice just melt my heart away. She's just too perfect. How can I find another girl just like her you tell me. I'm so overly attached to her.
But she's different now. She doesn't ask me for my jacket when she's cold. She doesn't text or call me in the morning to go to school. She doesn't look for me when I was away from her for a while. She didn't ask hows my training after I ended. She'll try to get away from me. She'll try to ignore me. And the list goes on...
But why can't she see it. All my efforts. Everything I did for her. She doesn't give me the chance to proof myself. She doesn't care about me anymore. I know I'm not perfect. I have flaws too. But I'd do anything for you I mean it. No matter how far I have to go or how long it'll take me.
Right now I really dont know what to do. Should I just act normal or just ignore her. I'll always pray to Allah and hope that things will get better for me and her. She will always be in my prayers.
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