The Love of my Life.

Assalamualaikum. Its been a long time huh. Lots of things happened. And this is one that I’m having a hard time coping. I met this woman. Like finally I get to meet her in person. I knew her because she’s my friend’s sister. But I didn’t get to know her personally. She is such an amazing soul to be with. I was already attracted to her even before we got close. I was really amazed that she wants to be my girlfriend when I asked her. And I am proud that she’s my girlfriend. I love her so much. I’ve never love someone as much as I do towards her. She’s my world, my soul, my advisor, basically everything. She’s meant everything to me. 

But things started to get messy all because of me being the most stupidest human being. I just dont know why at that point of time I didn’t know how to fix us. Where the problem is coming from and whats the solution. I was dumbfounded I swear. I felt so stupid. But honestly I was just focusing on being financially stable with the job I was doing because I’ve made up my mind that I wanna marry her. So I tried to collect as much money as I can before I have a full time job so that I wont struggle to collect the money for the wedding when we’re engaged or something. But its my fault for neglecting her, not prioritising her. And we got so distant. And the end result, we broke up and now she doesn’t want to see me ever again. 

Today is 1st may, could have been our first anniversary. I’m so sorry. I truly am. For not taking care of u properly like how I should. If only it was that easy for me to open up to her cos I’m the type who doesn’t open up to people easily. Even with my own mother I didn’t open up or share my problems with. I fucking hate myself for that.

I miss the kind of person she is. I don’t  know how many times I cried at night, reading back our sweet and funny conversations and just smiled at it and then cried wishing and hoping that she’ll come back. Those words that she said to me before blocking me really hurts. But I tried to ignore it and just look at the sweet and loving side of her. I’ve never look at her bad side and treat her like how she did. Because I’m soft hearted and I always look at the good side of people. I’m not trying to be a hypocrite or be the good guy. I have my flaws too. I’m just a normal human being with emotions. And I really am upset and disappointed on the way she treated me when she knows my weaknesses. 

Maybe I can’t move on from because she’s my first real love, first real relationship, first in everything. And we did something deeper that I will remember for the rest of my life. Maybe I never will be able to move on and forget her. 

Eversince that, I’ve lived my life by these words. I wish and really hoped that she’s the one in the end. 

I regret for not giving reassurance from time to time. I know I should have and I am disappointed with myself. I can only pray to Allah that she’s safe wherever she is, her health and most importantly, please takecare of her for me. I love u, Always. Forever will 🖤💙🐘🦁